Steven Wright is a renowned American stand-up comedian, writer, and Academy Award-winning film-producer, known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsensical jokes and one-liners. Here are some of his most popular quotes, reflecting his unique brand of humor and thoughtfulness.
Top 20 Steven Wright Quotes
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.”
- “It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.”
- “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
- “I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
- “Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?”
- “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time.”
- “Yesterday I found out what doughnuts are for. You put them on doughbolts.”
- “You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”
- “I didn’t get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead; you couldn’t see anything but every now and then you’d hear this rumbling noise go by.”
- “I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
- “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
- “What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
- “I’m addicted to placebos. I’d quit, but it wouldn’t matter.”
- “I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”
- “If you could teleport, would your clothes go with you?”
- “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
- “Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
- “You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.”
- “Why do psychics have to ask for your name?”
- “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.”
These quotes reveal not just the wit and humor that have made Steven Wright a timeless comedian, but also his philosophical perspective that often prompts us to rethink everyday phenomena. Wright’s distinctive approach to comedy continues to charm audiences worldwide.