Mitch Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian, known for his surreal humour and unconventional comedic delivery. His one-liners, non sequiturs, and unconventional approach to comedy made him a cult favorite. Below are some of his most popular quotes.
Mitch Hedberg’s most popular quotes:
- “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.”
- “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
- “Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
- “I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
- “I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
- “An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'”
- “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
- “On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at?”
- ” I’m a hero. I was once in the back of a restaurant, and the kitchen caught on fire. So the manager came running out of the kitchen, and he told me the kitchen was on fire. And I was like ‘Yeah I know, I was just back there.'”
- “A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”
- “If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be screwed.”